His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
