She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
