Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
