I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
