She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
