"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
