I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
