apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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