This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
