what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
