My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
