Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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