OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You are the jesus of drinking
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
