Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
