I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
