I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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