My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
