Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
