3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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