Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
