The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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