How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
