In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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