I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i think i just lost a toe
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
