just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
