I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize