question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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