allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
