Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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