My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
