you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize