He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
