It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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