I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
