I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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