NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
