hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
