I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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