thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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