ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
