No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
