I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
