I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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