he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We just shotgunned beers for America
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
