I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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