Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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