omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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