I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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