It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think my moral compass just broke
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