I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
