he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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