Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
