clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
