put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.