if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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