I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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