Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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