I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
