dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
