he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
