Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
