she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize