she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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