I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
