can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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