It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
