Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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