Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
did you just send me my own nude
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
