I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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