We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
