I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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