Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
