i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
