I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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