Someone shit on the floor
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
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