I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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