Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
