It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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