I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
