doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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