Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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