i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
a search helicopter?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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