I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
