I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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