I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
