Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Too much gin, very little bucket
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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