he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
