proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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